I went to aquafit again last night. It was fun; I pushed harder than I did last time and went home feeling pleasantly tired. I've been a bit chicken about cardio since I got my ICD, especially since my Dad's six inappropriate post-workout shocks. I think, as my confidence grows, I'll work harder and get stronger.
It's funny. In the period between learning I had HCM and actually getting the defib, I was scared to exercise because I worried I'd go into cardiac arrest and die (to put it bluntly). At first I'd even been told not to exercise at all. As my docs learned more, they relaxed those rules a bit, but I still worried.
Now I'm frightened because I don't want a shock. Clearly, getting a shock is about a million times better than the alternative, but if anything I'm more nervous now than I was before.
That doesn't make any sense. No, I don't feel bad about being scared - but it doesn't serve a purpose and I'd like to move past it.
Once more into the breach next Tuesday.
2 comments:
Hi,
I found your blog last week, and I was really excited! I am 30, and I was diagnosed about a year ago with psoriatic arthritis. I also have a congenital heart defect that I was diagnosed with 4 yrs. ago as an adult. And then 2 1/2 years ago I found out I needed a pacemaker and got one with five days warning. So it was really cool to find someone else young with similar issues (although I wouldn't wish my issues on anyone). My heart problem causes my heart to go so slow that it is dangerous (and could stop), so I know that eye opening fear. I'm not afraid of being shocked, but it is hard to know how much I can push myself sometimes without feeling sick. I can also feel my pacer go on sometimes because of how they had to place it, and it's not a pleasant feeling.
Keep up the good work!
Melissa
Hi Melissa,
I'm so glad you decided to comment. It's great to "meet" someone else with a similar collection of illnesses. I think it's really difficult to understand the fear that comes with a heart condition until you're there. I could never have imagined that kind of panicked, out of control feeling before I experienced it.
Thanks for introducing yourself - keep coming back! I would love to hear more from you.
Helen
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