This morning I met with Dr. Sneakers, his nurse practitioner, two genetic counrsellors and an electrophysiologist. It was something of a surprise and very good of them, actually. Dr. Sneakers, who continues to rise in my estimation (especially after he used the word "homies" this morning), thought I'd appreciate a chance to sit everybody down and ask as many questions as I liked.
Of course, it ended up being more about how much they don't know than about anything really concrete, but that isn't anybody's fault.
Towards the end, Dr. Sneakers told me he wanted to ask a strange question. I figured he'd ask whether I'd experienced some oddball symptom or other. Instead, he asked me whether, when I decide to have a family, I would want to know which of my eggs carried my genetic mutation so that I could choose to have the "healthy" one implanted.
Holy. What?
I said I didn't know, and I don't. I have no idea. It's not a decision I'll have to make for a few years, but I think it will be a very difficult one.
What if my parents had had that choice? What if they'd decided not to implant the egg that turned into me? I've learned a lot from illness. But then again, I've been luckier than my uncle and the thousands of other people who die suddenly from inherited arrhythmias.
(Also, if I do choose to have "healthy" eggs fertilized and implanted, the expense is currently not covered under our healthcare system. One round of implantation would cost about $2,000. The genetic counsellor argued - persuasively, I thought - that the government might do well to realize that paying for women to implant healthy eggs would actually save them a lot of money down the line.)
Anyway. As Dr. Sneakers said, "it really messes with your head."
I knew pregnancy would be hard, but I thought most of the big decisions would involve choosing to accept a risk or a burden myself, not choosing whether to pass one on to a child.
I guess it's a good thing I'm starting to like Dr. Sneakers. I think I'm going to need him.
7 comments:
WOW, Helen. That revelation would have floored me, too.
I think it's fascinating that we're able to DO this sort of thing, now, though. Sometimes it's best not to think about what might have been if we'd been able to make these choices 25 or 30 years ago--your question about whether or not you'd exist now is a thought-provoking one. That said, of the millions of eggs we produce during our lifetimes, only a very few become children. Having the ability to spare a child life-threatening genetic problems seems like a blessing to me, rather than a curse.
Still, I understand completely your concern--and that same concern makes you the truly compassionate, kind and lovely person you are. I hope that when the time comes, you'll have worked out for yourself what the best thing to do will be.
As always, I hope that you're feeling well and enjoying life. Sending warmth and virtual hugs your way.
Worrying about pregnancy is something that I end up doing in my darkest worried moments. It really does mess with your head. Sometimes I feel like my body is such a mess I worry that I won't even be able to get pregnant in the first place - my body doesn't seem to be able to do anything else right! But then I worry, even if I do get pregnant, what if I pass on the "illness" genes to my kids, forcing them to go through what I go through. What would I do if my kid suffered like this? I can go in circles and circles with it until I'm crazy in the face.
But, when I get a little too crazy in the face, I try to remind myself to deal with one worry at a time. Law school first, pregnancy later. ~;o) (Though, if I were you, I'd hang on to Dr. Sneakers. Sounds like a good resource to have around!!)
Hope law school is treating you well and finals panic hasn't set in yet. ~;o)
Wowzie! I don't know how I could have left the appointment without feeling totally overwhelmed. Do you put that on your list of things to "think" about"? I am impressed that Dr. Sneakers got everyone together so you could ask questions. Are they in the same office?
Wren - thank you. As always, your comment has given me something to think about and also helped me put this into perspective.
Mariah - it helps to know you have some of the same fears. I, too, have worried about even being able to get pregnant in the first place. Thanks for reminding me to take one thing at a time.
Cathy - This is definitely on my list of things to think about! I was impressed with Dr. Sneakers too. I actually see him at the hospital, and all of these people are also in the cardiology department there, so they were all able to get together. I learned a lot!
Homies....hahaha!!! I love doctors that can talk like that!
And babies...ugh, that scares me to think about someday I have that path that has been less traveled.
damn, that's a tough one. I'm with you- I thought it was difficult and complicated enough just figuring out how to deal with getting pregnant and having a baby while negotiating my own symptoms. I'm not sure what I would do if presented with this to think about as well.
Glad you are liking Dr. Sneakers better...and hopefully by the time you have to really confront this, you will know better how you feel about it.
Thanks Sara. It feels like getting pregnant is going to be so complicated! I'm trying to see the positive and realize that, thanks to Dr. Sneakers and some of my other docs who have discussed these issues with me now, I will have lots of time to think and plan. It will still be hard, but at least that won't be a surprise to me.
Post a Comment