I saw my rheumatologist for my regular check-up today.
Things are looking good, for the most part, except for the hips. It seems strange to me that the rest of my joints can be doing so well while my hips keep getting worse. She did say that she thinks my swimming is helping. But she also said that at some point we'll need to think about hip replacement.
I was upset for a few minutes, but then I went back to being upset about the fact that I've got a major paper due on Friday and I've only written four pages. I'm too busy to mope, and I think that is a very good thing. By the time I hand the paper in, I'll have a Christmas party to prepare for, then exams, then my choir concert, then another exam... lots and lots of things to do.
I read some things by a psychologist named Jordan Peterson a while ago that I found interesting. He thinks the goal of a virtuous life should be to find the things that make you unselfconscious, and do them. Unselfconscious in the sense of being so absorbed by what you're doing that you forget to think about yourself, about the time, about the fact you haven't eaten yet, or (for many of us), the fact that your joints hurt. I like that, and I know what he means.
I don't think he means we shouldn't think about our lives, or that we should never feel sad or worried. I think he means that we're at our best when we're engaged with the world rather than just with ourselves.
In my own experience, I've always felt the least pain when I've been doing something that matters to me. Whether it's singing or writing or cooking for someone, or talking to a friend. It's not that my pain isn't there; it's just that my mind stops picking up on it for a while. I think the same can often be said for emotional pain or anxiety.
Not that I'm totally there or anything. But once in a while I'm reminded that it's good to be busy. I don't want a hip replacement. But I also don't have a lot of time to think about it, and I'm pretty happy about that.
So, I'm interested: what keeps you busy? what matters more than illness to you?
8 comments:
One vote for warehouse sales and Pilates. Work is less fun than it used to be though
Annette
Sorry about the hips Helen. :( I am glad everything else is looking good. ;)
I totally agree with keeping busy with the things you love. When I am teaching adults English, my 4-5 hour classes sped by. They want/need my help and it feels wonderful giving it. Also, laughing with my family is a big pain reliever. While we are making jokes and having fun, the pain seems to disappear.
Good luck with all the school work and enjoy the party and choir performance.
So glad to hear from you again, Helen! You've been on my mind lately and I wondered how you were. Now I know, and it's good to know that your time has been filled by good things, distracting you and keeping you fulfilled.
I'm sorry that you'll have to have a hip replaced, but glad that the reality of it isn't causing you a lot of anxiety. I think it's incredible that we have that option--it's a lot different than the past, when a broken or damaged hip joint always meant total immobility or a wheelchair, at least.
What keeps me busy? Just dealing with daily life--anything that allows me to focus my attention on something besides achy hands and hips. Writing (a love). Reading (also a love, and an older one, too).
Wishing you the best as you write your paper and tackle exams. Have a wonderful holiday!
I think you're right - being engaged with the world is super important. That can be easier said than done if, for example, you aren't feeling that great or maybe you work from home (or, in my case, sometimes both). But I think you're right that it's good to remember.
One thing I really love to do if I really get down is to look at pictures of my friends and family and all the fun things we do together. Pictures generally only get taken at happy times. Sometimes 5 minutes of flipping through pictures is enough to put my whole day back on track. ~;o)
Wren - you are right, it's wonderful that we have the option of hip replacement. I googled "young patients hip replacement" the other day and was so pleased with the stories I read. Everyone seemed really happy they had decided to have the surgery.
Mariah, looking at photos is a great idea! You're right, sometimes we're in way too much pain to actually DO anything. Reminding yourself of fun things you've done seems like a good way to get through those times.
Hope the hips keep on improving, but if not then hip replacement sounds less daunting than it first seemed, given all the positive feedback and stories!
Couldn't agree more about the 'unselfconscious' thing. I spend a day every month or so at a botanical drawing class and when I get my head down and start drawing I just forget about everything. Of course that can have a bad side when you realise you've not stood up for so long your knee's seized up or whatever, but generally it's a very good thing. I always feel really relaxed afterwards too - and as an extra bonus it's a day off work! :-)
Polly, that drawing class sounds wonderful!
I used to love to draw, but stopped when my hands got really bad. They're much better now - maybe I should give it a try again. :)
I hear you! I have fibro, and a chronic diagnosed joint pain (probably from my Noonan's Syndrome). I find I don't feel the pain when I'm reading.
It's as if my mind shuts of every other stimulus that I would otherwise be feeling and tells it to bugger off. It's an awesome feeling, being absorbed by a story and having no pain, even though my brain knows it's there.
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