Blah.

Thank you, everyone, for your messages after that last post. I'm so happy to be catching up on my favourite blogs again.

I don't feel like myself right now. My whole body - appetite, cycle, everything - is out of wack after the general anaesthetic. My throat hurts and my voice is weak from the breathing tube they inserted during the surgery, which lasted three and a half hours. My hands and wrists are sore, I suppose from IVs and my arterial line. And then there's that wonderful combination of nausea and hunger. All I want to eat are popsicles.

On top of that, I've been so anxious since the surgery. I suppose I just feel overwhelmed by all the decisions of the last month, and all the physical weirdness this week. I've been waking up with my heart racing and a knot in my stomach.

Everything feels gross.

I think I'll feel better once I've been back to the hospital on Tuesday and they're removed the sticky, itchy dressing I've been wearing on my chest since Monday.  I think it will feel good to go back to work, too.

I'm going to try some gentle yoga and meditation. I want to feel like myself again.

WHAM!, etc.

So I haven't blogged in a while. It's a long story.

It started at the beginning of July, on Canada Day weekend. I was in a restaurant with my parents, and I'd just walked down a small flight of stairs to the washroom when I felt something explode inside me. I don't know how else to describe it. It happened too fast to be painful. I felt an enormous bang in my chest, my vision went blank,  I felt electricity rush along my limbs and I shouted something obscene at some poor woman who happened to be walking by at the time.

I was so confused I didn't immediately think of my defibrillator. I pointed at the ceiling and babbled about having been electrocuted. I was terrified. When it finally dawned on me that my ICD must have fired, I burst into tears, expecting to feel another shock slam into my chest at any moment. My Mom lowered my to the floor and went to get my Dad, who found me sobbing and hyperventilating outside the door to the ladies' room. Always dignified.

I didn't receive another shock. I calmed down and went back to my parents' house, and then to the hospital the next morning, where I learned that one of my leads - the wires that connect the device to my heart - had fractured.

Not supposed to happen. Definitely not supposed to happen after only three years.

I needed what's called a laser lead extraction. I had it two days ago, and it went well. I lost a lot of blood, so I'm tired and a little woozy, but I get to eat all kinds of yummy things to make up for it and I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. And, I no longer beep every three hours.

I've got lots more to say, but I'm tired and sore. For now, I am back, and I'm planning to spend some time catching up on your blogs and doing more blogging of my own. As I said, it's a long story, and I've got lots to tell you.